Regaining Confidence out of Disaster

posted by LaDona Harvey - 

I had a marvelous night last night. 

A friend was in from Philly, and we had a chance to grab a bite before I took him to the airport in the Batmobile. 

It was a hit and run, time-wise, but something really cool happened. 

When I went to pick him up, he told me, "Divorce looks good on you." 

His is not the first compliment I have received, post-breakup, but it went down like a Bunnahabhain 25.

 Smooth, smoky and warm. 

If you have been through divorce, you know how badly it shakes your confidence. Heck, your whole world kind of tilts on it's axis...

I doubt I am the only hot mess following a breakup...and I certainly won't be the last one. 

I was in crisis, and you have probably been there too. I hope not, but, the probability is high. 

You question everything. and frankly, you feel like a massive failure. 

You agonize. "What's wrong with me?" 

You analyze and over-analyze, and you have to face your very real mistakes and shortcomings. 

And you eventually slog through the self-recrimination and regret, and you move forward. 

It doesn't matter who is at fault, everyone gets to go through some or all of the above. And add the very real anger, well, you are a mess. I was a mess. 

And then you start coming out the other side. 

Your friends will be your life-line, as mine have. 

In my case, my girlfriends have helped me rebuild myself. Picking up the pieces that fell off when I hit that wall at 500 mph. Helping to analyze those pieces, and toss what needed to be tossed. 

Primarily, "Wine," has babysat me through ugly snot-filled crying jags...and chain-smoking rages. Wine and her husband, "Software" have been my life-lines..

"Nails," I shall call her, has been my date on a couple of occasions, one of which resulted in the most amazing spa experience ever. Nails is one funny human, and her missteps in life have pretty much mirrored mine. We are doing a chaotic Elaine dance, the two of us. 

"The Fed" is a new friend, and she is one tough cookie. I like her. A lot. She keeps me on my toes. 

And many of those friends are men. Wonderful, delightful, men. 

Philly was so kind. And sometimes, a bit of kindness is exactly what you need. He loved my hair. And my car. 

I felt pretty. I haven't felt that way in a while. 

English, (not his real name,) says I have my mojo back. 

Woodwind, (also, not his real name,) told me I was sexy. I had been feeling decidedly unsexy. 

Cell Tower has been a constant friend, movie buddy, and all-around pal. One of the smartest people I have ever met. 

Iowa is a dear and long-time friend. At my darkest, he took me to dinner, and spent at least an hour plying me with meat, and telling me I was an awesome human. I needed that. Desperately. 

Don't get me wrong, this isn't about what others think, it's about how I see myself. For a while, there was a woman in the mirror I didn't recognize. At all. And I didn't like her very much either. 

My friends have made me see myself a little differently. A little more positively. And I am grateful. 

I feel like a classic car with good bones. There is still some work that needs to be done. 

The engine is fine...it's the chassis and interior that could use some work. 

SO I am working on them. 

A little bondo here, some tuck and roll there, and I will be good as new. And I have fantastic mechanics and body-men working on the old girl, Bless them. 




LaDona Harvey

LaDona Harvey

La Dona Harvey is co-host of San Diego's Morning News on News Radio KOGO AM 600. Read more

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