My No-Pants Nightmare Come True

posted by LaDona Harvey - 

Have you had that dream? Or nightmare? The one where you are in school or at work, and everyone is pointing and laughing and you slooooowly look down...and, yep, you have no pants. 

It's an awful, anxious dream, but just a dream. 

And then there is me. 

I took a short nap yesterday after work, and woke up in a bit of a panic. 

We have a HUGE garden out back, and I realized I hadn't watered that day.

My Roommate, Chrissa has invested hours and hours of time, and quite a substantial amount of money on tomatoes, artichokes, squash, herbs, radishes and even lettuces. 

While she and Dan are out of town, all that watering falls to me. And we are talking about watering for about an hour to an hour and a half, by the time you get all the way around that monster. 

It's gorgeous, and the food coming out of it, delightful. 


So it is about 5 PM, and I go hauling-a out the back door, and start watering feverishly. 

There I am, in a Zen, happy place, minding my own business and dousing the sprouts, when a loud "Hello...." comes from behind me. 

I jump, nearly fall, turn around, and realize it's the next-door neighbor, and she is standing in what I think is her kitchen window. With her kids. 

I sketch a wave her way, and introduce myself as the dog-sitter/roommate. 

And about the time I realize I am actually wearing no pants, a five year old voice pipes up..."I saw your wee wee!" and peals of laughter erupt from the other side of that screen. 

I froze. 

I turned redder than the radishes I was so lovingly lavishing attention on. 

I had absolutely no bloody idea what to do. 

So I finished the sprouts I was working on, raced over to turn off the water, and died of humiliation in the kitchen. 

Also, I put on some pants. 

For what it is worth, I was wearing a long shirt, and underwear. So what the kid saw was my rump. Encased in underwear. 

I thought about trying to pass it off like I was wearing a bathing suit...but everyone would have known it was a lie. 

SO, when something like this happens, do you bake brownies, and attach a note that says you promise not to garden naked anymore? 

What, exactly, is the etiquette, here? 

LaDona Harvey

LaDona Harvey

La Dona Harvey is co-host of San Diego's Morning News on News Radio KOGO AM 600. Read more

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