Do You Need a Giant Head-Sock to Communicate?

posted by LaDona Harvey - 

At some point, you could just put the cell phone down. Or not...


I went on a date when I was first divorced, and I couldn’t get his attention long enough to stun him with my witty, sparkling repartee, or even lure his gaze into my ample cleavage. His phone was next to him, and he had an eye on it the whole time. He answered texts, the whole time we ate, and even his body language screamed detachment.  

He seemed shocked when I declined to see him again. Hell, I was shocked he asked...because the vibe he was putting off was definitely *not interested.* Luckily, neither was I, so win/win! 

 Dinner lasts about an hour, man...and he didn’t even learn enough about me to determine if he actually WANTED to see me again. What would be the point of going out again? No thanks. 

I have been guilty of cell attachment syndrome, but these days, I actively disengage when I am spending time with people. 

I have re-learned how to look into your eyes, and pay attention. I have also re-learned just how awesome it is to do so. I listen very carefully to what you choose to share with me, and how. I miss very little...because I am not on my phone. I am RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. and it is wonderful. 

A lot of people equate intimacy with sex. In reality, sex can be monumentally impersonal...and I think you reach a certain age, where impersonal really isn't all that appealing. I think a good rule of thumb is, don't sleep with someone you wouldn't want to make breakfast for, and chat with over coffee the next day. 

Intimacy is very intimidating. You are getting to know them...and they are getting to know you. REALLY getting to know you. Warts and all. Intimacy is when you sit with someone, one on one, and listen to them. Really listen to them. You are curious. You ask questions. They ask you questions. It's especially satisfying over a lingering dinner, and a bottle of wine, in a nice dark corner of a restaurant. 

I have been guilty of using the cell phone to actively AVOID intimacy, and that is something I have decided to change. I think we have become just a little too superficial for our own good. In the absence of human connection, we are able to dehumanize each other. 

This allows us to do and say terrible things about one another, and feel nothing for the object of our ire. It's very convenient...and terribly dangerous. 

It is really, really easy to lash out at someone, when you barely see them as human, and certainly don't rank them as important. 

If you get a chance...leave your cell phone in the car the next time you go out with friends...or "more than" friends. You might find you like it as much as I do. 

Also, no giant head-sock...unless you need comic relief at a party. In that case...DO IT! (Preferably, while playing Twister!) 

But post the video on our page so we can all have a laugh. 

LH


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