San Diego's Morning News with Ted and LaDona

San Diego's Morning News with Ted and LaDona

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At The Movies With Josh: My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3

In the early ‘70s music critic Jon Landau saw a concert and wrote, “I saw rock and roll’s future and its name is Bruce Springsteen.”

I just saw a movie and want to declare – I saw the year’s worst movie and its name is “My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3.”

Now, Landau went on to become Springsteen’s manager. Actress/writer/producer Nia Vardalos will go on to make millions with this, and make millions more when she does a 4th in this series (that for some reason, Tom Hanks and his Greek wife Rita Wilson keep producing).

The premise is decent. Toula (Nia Vardalos) and her family are going to Greece for a big family reunion. Her dad has died, and his last wish was that she bring his journal to his childhood friends so they can read about what his life was like after he came to America. Her brother Angelo has secretly brought dad’s ashes, so he can spread them near the biggest tree in town.Toula’s daughter Paris (Elena Kampouris) has failed her classes at NYU, and for some reason, the boyfriend she broke up with (Aristotle, played by Elias Kacavas) is coming along with the family.

When the family arrives in Greece, they’re met at the airport by Victory (Melina Kotselou). Victory is trans, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s that Victory’s personality makes this the most annoying character you’ll see on screen all year. There’s never a single moment when you laugh at anything Victory says or does. And there’s a lot of Victory. Give me victory or give me death…I was on the verge of rooting for death.

Vardalos also has a lot of annoying facial expressions, and when she’s playing drunk in one scene, it’s awful (and unfunny). I’m convinced she’s just not a very good actress.

John Corbett isn’t given a lot to do, except walk around looking like a dopey nice guy, who tries to please everyone. He goes down to the water to hang out with a monk he’s met.

The annoying characters continue with Toula’s brother. This is Vardalos’ idea of comedy. Nick has a bunch of scenes where he’ll be sitting at the dinner table cutting his toenails or shaving his nose hair. Oh wait, now he’s trimming the inside of his ears. And, when he’s on the couch, he is grooming himself in front of everyone. Toula can be afraid to look, but ask her husband “Is he doing it upstairs or downstairs?” He glances downward and says, “Downstairs.” Ah, attempts at humor. Seriously, Vardalos needs to explain what is funny about that. No adult would do those things. And if there’s an adult that is so clueless they’d cut their toenails at the table, surely other adults (especially ones that are family members) would say, “Uh, are you a moron? How about you take that into the bathroom and not here where we’re all eating.”

Vardalos also thinks having a good looking stranger, seemingly stalking her and looking in windows, is an intriguing concept (we’ll find out later in the movie who he is).

I don’t even mind that the story is predictable. We know how the reunion is going to turn out (early on, it looks like nobody else will be showing up). We know there will be a festive celebration. Yet by the time it got there, you just won’t care.

This movie didn’t have a single interesting scene in it. The best thing it had going, was that the studio arranged for a restaurant to bring baklava to us at the screening.

I should note something. Sometimes you need to know if the critic liked the source material, or is just some bitter old man that hates everything they see. So I’ll use another John Corbett series as an example. When I reviewed the “Sex and the City” movies (all of which were horrible), I always mentioned how much I loved the HBO show. With “Greek Wedding” films, I enjoyed the first. It was a cute romantic comedy. The second movie made my list of worst films that year. I brought my wife’s friend and she loved the second one and was shocked I didn’t. We brought her again to this third installment. She usually likes every movie she sees, but was disappointed with it. And, it’s not just going to make my Top 10 worst of the year list, it’s going to be #1 on that list. It’s just awful.

0 stars.

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