The TV show Bob’s Burgers is one of the least-funny shows I’ve ever seen. I watched two episodes when it first came out, and it was awful. After my sister claimed to love it, I watched another episode, thinking maybe the two I saw were just bad. Nope. That third episode I watched was also bad. It’s a shame, because a comedian I love – Andy Kindler – is involved in it, as well as a comedian/actress I think is hysterical (Kristen Schaal, who I first discovered on Flight of the Conchords as their one fan, and funny appearances on late night talk shows). Schaal is here for the movie, and surprisingly, the immensely talented Kevin Kline.
Since I hate the show, I wasn’t planning on seeing or reviewing the movie. But I have a friend that loves it, so I brought him (my wife, who also hates the show, refused to go; she was the smart one of this group).
We were 15 minutes into the movie when my friend got up and left. Neither of us had laughed once. About five minutes later, the first joke that made me chuckle. Since a huge sinkhole appeared in front of the restaurant hurting their business, they had signs telling people they were open and to enter through the alley. The third sign they made was really long, at one point stating “the alley smells like pee, but the restaurant is fine.”
After 30 minutes I turned my phone on and texted my friend to ask why he left. Turns out, he had gotten food poisoning and was in the bathroom. He came back for the last 20 minutes, and again, neither of us laughed. As we walked out, he said, “I think what was happening to me in the bathroom was funnier than this movie.”
I told him of the two jokes he missed in the middle that were kind of funny. One involved the Belcher couple sliding off the roof of a building and she figures out a way to not slide off. She says, “My kegel exercises!”
She immediately stops sliding down. Good stuff (and the second kegel joke that’s worked this year. Channing Tatum has one in The Lost City).
There was also a funny joke when the family was in danger of drowning in a clam-shaped carnival car and they mention Hot Tub Time Machine (a surprisingly funny film). Now, you can claim I’m ruining things by telling you the jokes, but I’m actually helping. By telling you the only three funny things in the movie, it saves you the time and money of having to go see this awful movie.
I thought about The Simpson’s movie, which was good, but just felt like a longer version of the TV show, and just an average one at that (with a hilarious opening 10 minutes). But I was a fan of that show. So I’m guessing if you have a bad sense of humor and are a fan of this horribly unfunny show, it will be right up your alley (an alley that smelled like pee to me). But instead of me just ranting about how bad it is, perhaps I should explain the premise.
The movie takes place at a time when they’re just starting out, and find out they won’t be getting an extension on their bank loan; even though they tried to bribe the loan officer with a burger (that bit worked better with Jamie Lee Curtis in Everything Everywhere All At Once). A sinkhole soon appears right in front of their restaurant, which results in not a single customer showing up that day.
Bob (H. John Benjamin) and Linda (John Roberts) calculate how many burgers they need to sell to stay in business. Their kids Tina (Dan Mintz) and Louise (Schaal), and Gene (Eugene Mirman) are a bit more concerned with their drama at school and having a great summer.
A plan ends up being devised by their best customer, to make a cart and go to the pier and sell burgers. Despite not having the proper permits and getting the stink eye from all the carnies, they do this. The film ends up becoming a whodunit, without a single interesting thing transpiring. Except for me coming to the realization that I was hearing the great Kevin Kline spew out his lines. How in the world did they get the actor from one of the best comedies ever made – A Fish Called Wanda – to star in one of the worst comedies ever made?
One of the many horrible things in this movie were the song-and-dance numbers. Part of that is because the animation makes them look like zombie characters with dead eyes. Their voices are awful and the lyrics aren’t funny. And one of those songs takes place in a town where all the crazy carnies live. That should be ripe for hilarity. It all made me think of how hysterical the songs are in Family Guy, a much better show.
Staying for the closing credits, to see if any other talents like Schaal and Kline were involved in this horrific mess, I saw Zack Galifianakis. It’s a shame that someone that did such brilliant stand-up, has done so many horrible comedies. Talk about a sell-out.
This movie gets 0 stars. If I could give it negative stars, I would. I have no doubt this will be the least funny comedy released all year. Any of the 90% of critics on Rotten Tomatoes giving this positive reviews, you should unfollow immediately.