Magic Mike’s Last Dance…let’s hope so. While I haven’t liked any of the movies in this series, this is not only the worst of the trilogy, it’s one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time. I left after an hour and 15 minutes because I just couldn’t take any more of it.
From the opening narration by a teen, about the history of dance – to her continued narration (I thought of great movies with kids narrating – Submarine, Me and Earl and The Dying Girl, and Mean Girls) – even the “meet cute” was meet stupid. Not only did it seem utterly ridiculous when Maxandra Mendoza (Salma Hayek) asks bartender Mike (Channing Tatum) if she could give him a dance. It’s not only idiotic, but we quickly realize these two dopey characters have no chemistry together. And as she persuades him to go to London for a month to work, for $60,000 – we end up not rooting for either of them. They both just make so many stupid decisions along the way. And I suppose we’re supposed to laugh at the gruff butler, but he just made me think of how great the Oscar-winning John Gielgud was in Arthur. But I undress. Oops, Freudian slip. I mean, I digress.
The movie has no laughs. Their idea of humor is when Mendoza asks for a private dance, she says “no happy ending.” And we’re supposed to be amused when Mike has dinner with rich people, or has to talk to theatre folks, and he has no idea what to say or do.
We quickly realize Mendoza wants to have a strip show at the prestigious theatre her husband’s family owns…so she can get back at him and “give the women what they want.”
The entire narrative makes little sense when you break it all down, which makes it even more disappointing that a talented director like Steven Soderbergh is involved. At one point, when Mike arrives in London, we see a montage of gift store items – keychains with the Union Jack, double-decker bus magnets; why not impressive landmarks in London instead? Perhaps it’s because Mike’s character would be more interested in buying trinkets like that instead of seeing Big Ben, the changing of the guard, or Windsor Castle. Who knows? Oh, we also get a few other stupid montages (although the sequence of various street dancers was entertaining, as were a few of the other gymnastic dance sequences – one on a bus is neat).
The daughter Zadie (Jemelia George), who narrates this, is also annoying in that movie way. She stands outside their bedroom door. She also first meets Mike and is rude. Since I didn’t stay for the end, I found out the daughter was at the dance number at the end…yet it was for adults, so…one of many reasons Mendoza shows she’s an idiot. She’s also not very business savvy. In fact, they try to play this “female empowerment” angle throughout the film that just doesn’t fly. It’s funny, I read an interview recently where Hayek said she’s never offered roles in comedies. Well, she should be more concerned with the fact that she reads a script like this, and feels this is a picture she wants to be involved in.
Also, why does Tatum go with a buzz cut? Unless you’re doing a military movie, it’s rarely a good look for actors.
Also, when the movie starts, Mike’s boss is being a jerk to him. That’s a dumb movie trope that doesn’t make sense (I hated it in Top Gun: Maverick, too). I guess they were trying to show that…he’s no longer king of the strip club, he no longer has his furniture store, and he’s relegated to a job slinging drinks and dealing with mean bosses.
This movie will be wasting two hours of your life. Guys, don’t get suckered into seeing it because it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re letting your wife pick the movie. Trust me on this.
½ star out of 5 (it would be zero, but the dance numbers were good).