At The Movies With Josh: Haunted Mansion

As the writers and actors of Hollywood strike, I went into the screening of this movie saying – is this all Hollywood has? Making yet another movie based on a Disneyland ride? And it’s actually worse than that. There apparently was another version of this “Haunted Mansion” in the early 2000s that I wasn’t even familiar with. If this is all screenwriters can give us, let’s give AI a try!

It’ll be easier to start this review with the few things that I did like. Kris Bowers created the score (he did the incredible music in “Green Book.”). Owen Wilson, as the priest, has a few cute lines. It’s just a shame such a great cast was assembled for this mess of a movie.

LaKeith Stanfield was amazing in “Sorry to Bother You.” Jared Leto is great in everything. Tiffany Haddish is usually funny (and as a medium, the mole on her face worked nicely). It’s always fun when Danny DeVito is around (the best TV show of all time is “Taxi” and it was weird seeing Marilu Henner in a cameo in the beginning). Jamie Lee Curtis was fun in “Everything Everywhere All At Once” and “A Fish Called Wanda” is one of the best comedies ever made. Rosario Dawson has one of the most beautiful faces in Hollywood. Who wouldn’t want to spend two hours looking at that? (Her son in the movie is played by newcomer Chase Dillon, and he was good in it).

But, we’re never drawn into this story, or the various characters this fine cast portrays. The most fun I had was pointing out to my wife (who wasn’t familiar with the ride), “Oh, that’s just like what they do on the ride at Disneyland.”

This will be billed as a family film, but it’s probably a bit too scary for young kids (it’s rated PG-13); yet, the movie isn’t scary enough, or funny enough, for adults to enjoy.  

My wife and I were so bored with it, we left after an hour and a half (it still had 30 minutes to go). I’d rather stand in line for two hours for a ride at Disneyland then sit through this film again (and I’ll be dreading the Space Mountain and Matterhorn films which are sure to come at some point).

1 star out of 5.

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